7 Years Saved: Sharing My Story to Protect You

Today marks 7 years that God saved Baby Girl + I’s life. As each year has passed I have asked myself if I am ready to share this story publicly, and each year I am not.

It still brings up trauma.

I still battle guilt from opening the door to my home that day.

I battle guilt from he verdict, knowing I received justice when many in my situation haven’t.

But one thing that I’ve learned through the years is that a constant focus on me doesn’t change the world, a focus on others does.

If sharing this story protects you, it’s worth it.

If this provides healing or helps you feel you’re not alone, its worth it.

So here I am, sharing the story of how God saved Baby + I on November 21, 2014.

TRIGGER WARNING: This is a story about physical + sexual assault. If you have been a victim of these crimes please read with caution, or at a time when you are ready.

I am going to share an except from a letter I wrote in January 2017, to be read to our Judge during sentencing. I have removed details of names + places for the safely of my family + others.

“The year 2014 was a year of change for Joe and I. We had just graduated college, got married, moved 12 hours away from our family, and settled into our first careers as an Flight Test Engineer and a 2nd grade math teacher. 5 months after marriage, we also found out we were expecting our first child, who would arrive in July of 2015. As you can see, we like to take life on at full speed. :) 

But there was an unexpected event in our life that would change the way we live forever. 

On November 21, 2014, I stayed home from work with a combination of morning sickness and allergies, and was taking a day to rest after a busy start to my first year as a teacher. While sleeping upstairs, I heard my doorbell ring, and I came downstairs to answer.

At the door was our neighbor, who I had spoke to a few times in passing. He had told me that he had locked himself out of his house and asked if he could borrow my phone. I let him step inside, as it was a cold November morning, and use my phone to call his “sister.” After failed attempts to reach her, I told him he could sit down in the living room and continue to try and reach her, and I would bring him a cup of coffee. 

This friendly gesture to a neighbor quickly turned into a life changing distaster. He made his way into the kitchen, grabbed me from behind, put a gun to my head, and moved me into the living room. He then pinned me against the couch, patted me down, and asked me to take my pants off.  I refused, firmly telling him “No.” I told him to take anything he wanted, but to leave me alone. He pinned me harder, proceeding to ask me to take my pants off. I continued to refuse, and he put the gun back to my head and began to count down, pressuring me to take my pants off, or he would take my life. 

I firmly refused, and told him I would scream if he did not get off me. I then verbalized a cry for help, “Lord Jesus, please help me,” a few times, as I knew He was the only one who could rescue me from this situation. He then put the gun down and began to strangle me, and I continued to gasp for air and cry out to God to save me. Within seconds, I was unconscious. 

Some time later, I awoke, disoriented and in great pain. I was laying on the floor with my left leg stuffed under the couch, and was unable to feel the left side of my body. My pants were soaked with urine, and I had throw up on my sweatshirt. My neck was throbbing, breathing was challenging, swallowing was extremely painful, and I felt sick. I let out a sorrowful cry. 

“What just happened? Have I just been raped?” The thought of this sickened me, and I laid there for a minute, weeping as I tried to grasp the tragedy that has just unfolded inside  my seemingly safe home.

I was then reminded of the precious, 5 week old baby who was being created inside me, and my motherly instinct knew I needed to take action to make sure this child was still alive. I got to my feet, and began looking for my phone to call for help. It was nowhere in sight, so I limped out the door and began knocking on a few trusted neighbors doors to ask for help. When they didn’t answer, I resorted to a neighbor I did not know well but who’s car was home, as a last chance for help. A man “J” answered, and I asked him if he could call 911 and also try and get a hold of my husband, who was working on the navy base 15 minutes away.

I laid curled up on J’s (neighbor) couch, trying to rest and ignore the tremendous amount of pain I was feeling, and waited for the police and my husband to arrive. After their arrival and questioning, an ambulance was called, and I was taken to the Hospital to be cared for. 

The doctors and nurses quickly checked my vitals and provided excellent care for me. I was very concerned about the safety of the child that I prayed was still alive inside of me, to the point of refusing basic pain medicine to ensure this wouldn't effect the fragile condition she may already be in. The staff was extremely supportive of my wishes, and did everything they could to care for Elle and I and make sure we would be safe.

CHALLENGING DECISIONS

However, for the safety of both Baby and I, I learned I needed to go through some very risky and invasive procedures. I needed to get a CT scan to check out the internal bruising on my neck and make sure there was no internal bleeding happening. This was necessary for the safety of both Baby and I, but also risky, as these rays can effect the health of our extremely vulnerable 5 week old baby girl. I also was asked by Detective C about getting a SAFE exam done, which is a test to see if I had been raped. I was not sure if I had been or not, and new I needed to get this exam, despite the fact that it would be extremely invasive, and painful. 

Despite the risky, uncomfortable procedures, sickness, inability to move or swallow without extreme pain, and continued disorientation I was still feeling, the care of my wonderful husband, the hospital staff and detectives really helped bring hope to a very tragic situation. I was allowed to leave the hospital later in the evening on bed rest, and would check in with my midwife 3 days later to make sure the baby and I were doing ok.

THE EFFECTS

I was on bedrest for 3 days after leaving the hospital, unable to eat much of anything besides sherbet and mashed potatoes. The simple act of swallowing my saliva brought tears of pain to my eyes, so eating much more than that was a no go for a while. I had continued pain in swallowing, along with deep purple bruising on my neck and a headache, for 7-10 days after leaving the hospital. 

The physical pain was gone after about 2 weeks, but the emotional pain of what Baby and I went through took much longer to recover from. I continued to have flashbacks of what happened that November 21, which resulted in nightmares, panic attacks, and a constant vulnerable feeling when I was alone, especially including the place my husband and I called our first home. 

And as each day passed, God continued to prove himself true to the promises he shares in his Word. I hit a rock bottom low in my life on November 21 around 10am, but I can honestly say in that extreme moment of desperation, I also experienced a closeness to Christ that I had not experienced before. I know that in the moments where he tried to take my life, that God did not let him. He had a continued plan for me on this earth, and would use my story to protect and impact the lives of others for His good.

I battled flashbacks and panic attacks for about a year after November 21 and still do from time to time, but each of those was defended by God’s grace, a loving husband, caring family, supportive church, midwives, community, and the amazing team of attorneys, detectives, and support staff at the District Court Office. I know that God placed these amazing people in my life to bring healing in the midst of tragedy, and to protect the lives of other women in the future.

I can honestly say I am a stronger person, and have a deeper appreciation for my daily life and the lives of my closest loved ones. This event will continue to shape the way I view the world and the way I protect my children and loved ones, but I believe this deepened maternal protective instinct has become a blessing in disguise, and one I can use to bring good to this world. 

I hope that by reading this letter you have been reminded of two things. First, that the God who created the mountains, oceans and earth we are blessed to live on also created each of us, and  I am forever grateful for the mercy and protection God showed and continues to show each of us on a daily basis. And, with that love and mercy, comes a command to love Him, and love others, which comes in the form of serving and protecting all we directly and indirectly encounter. 

I believe it is my duty and honor to protect other vulnerable women and children on this earth from experiencing the same (or worse) situation I experienced. When I think of the events that occurred on November 21, 2014, and other choices that he has chosen to make in his life, including the molestation of a young girl only a few years before he tried to do the same to me, I know I need to do everything in my power to prevent this man from bringing harm to any other women again.” 

My prayer is that sharing this letter protects you from a similar incident, empowers you to speak up and bring justice to you situation, or bring healing to you and reminds you that you are never alone.

You story matters, please share it. It could save a life.

xoxo

Jasmin